My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
