so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
