The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
