just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
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