Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
