saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
