I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
