Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Randomize
