also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
Randomize
