Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
