i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
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