Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
