I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
We don't watch enough power rangers
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
