i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
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