All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
Randomize
