i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
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