yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
my shit smells like andre
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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