How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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