he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
