Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
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