Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize
