Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
