shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
