I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
