Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
Randomize
