He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
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You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
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What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
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