I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize
