so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
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