Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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