If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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