what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
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