Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
40s are totally the cure
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
