She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
Randomize
