He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
Randomize
