You're so nebulous sometimes
he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Randomize
