I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
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