All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
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