Someone shit on the floor
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
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