# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
Randomize
