is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
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