meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
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