At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
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