I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
Randomize
