"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
He literally asked permission to hit on me
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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