In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Randomize
