I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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