im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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