After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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