i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
Randomize
