I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
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