Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
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Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
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direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
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