I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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