road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize
