just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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