I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
