There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
