Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
Randomize
