i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
