Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
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