You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
NoShamevember. You game?
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
Randomize
