cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
Randomize
