Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
