Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
Randomize
