I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
areolas are like halos for boobs.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
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It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
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The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
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